Opening the present

Several weeks ago, I came into a new frame of mind, in which numerous profound insights have come, and I have seen doors open in my prayer life and elsewhere.  In particular, even though I frankly regard myself as spiritually advanced, one door has opened to a course offering far deeper spiritual growth that may make it possible for me to be happy practically all the time.  I copy pertinent diary entries here below, with commentary.

On reflection, I see that these diary entries assume the reader is well familiar with (1) “silence” and “presence,” which are technical terms referring to specific spiritual practices, and (2) those practices’ effects, especially the ability to choose and change one’s emotional feelings at will.  Accordingly, in the near future I will need to post explanations of meditation, contemplation, awakening the will, and how essential these are for anyone who would follow Jesus.

Until then, one would do well to consult three of Ambrose Worrall’s essays in the Library: “Essay on Prayer,” “Meditation and Contemplation,” and “Silentium Altum (Deep Silence).”

This may not be the best presentation.  But to have these thoughts available for later use, I need to record them now.  My frame of mind is sure to change, at which time, without this record, I am sure to forget these concepts indefinitely.

* The power of presence

[Note, 08/15/13: Releasing this now as I will have another post on similar topics in the very near future.]

Wednesday afternoon 07/03/13 I stepped into the shower and said, “OK, what will I think about?” The answer came, “Think about nothing. Give yourself completely to this activity, this experience.”

And at once, for the first time in weeks, I felt the boost that comes from conserving one’s energies, when they are no longer being drained by attention to things distant from here and now and what I myself can do.

This is the power of presence.

[Notes to follow up on in the future:
– Scott Morrison
– Brother Lawrence: silence; feelings
– Forgive us our trespasses
– Take no thought
– The needle’s eye
– Just for today
– Serenity prayer
———
– Be here now
– Wherever you go, there you are
– Conspiracy Theorists:  America’s Lost Sheep?
– Was There a Jesus? If So, What Was He Like?]

(Reblogged 05/21/14.)

Tweet

I can’t buy sodas, and I’m low on smokes, but I’m full of hope.

The Zimmerman Verdict: Get Over It

Zimmerman protesters raid Wal-Mart, stop freeway

The world will not turn itself upside down to please you.

Neither will the law.

Neither will the facts.

Neither will the fact that the law is what it is.

Nor the fact that, under American law, a jury verdict is prima facie (Go ahead, look it up!) correct.

Under the rules of due process, the lawful evidence was presented to a competent jury. This was not so with TV news or radio talk shows.

Moreover, in civil suits, the standard of proof is “a preponderance of the evidence,” but in criminal trials — all criminal trials — it is much higher, “beyond a reasonable doubt.” This standard is so high I wonder that any criminal conviction is ever obtained. Thus in a very similar local case here in Baltimore, an off-duty police officer was recently acquitted in the strangling death of a black teen.

* When you can’t get what you want

There is a song from The Sound of Music that relates; it concludes, “… I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don’t feel so bad.”

Wednesday morning I stood outside McDonald’s having my last smoke before leaving.  I considered that as soon as I got to the library, I’d need to count my pennies and plan spending for the rest of the week.  I pondered whether or not to buy a soda on my way there.  I’d had some unusual spending earlier in the week, and faced some more unusual spending in connection with the 4th of July (The library’s closed.).  The wisdom of having bought or not bought a soda at this time would depend on the outcome of that planning.

I decided not to buy a soda at this time.  If I had enough cash left, according to the plan, I could enjoy a soda later in the week.

This isn’t sacrifice; that’s a topic I must discuss in later posts.  It’s a matter instead of delaying gratification; a decision to forego a pleasure now for the sake of possibly having the pleasure later.  This is an important strategy in learning stewardship (right management of one’s resources) and in improving one’s lot in life.

It still leaves me without a soda, when I want a soda.  What to do?

* Me, me, me.

This has been a very heavy day, and there’s a lot here.  For the moment, at least, I will not try to organize this.

Darkness at times appears to serve Light; destruction, to serve creation.

It is a rude awakening for me to have to revisit the world of infantile self-centeredness, apparently to have to re-learn correctly this time (at age 57!) some things I didn’t learn correctly on the first go-round.

A world where it is correct for me to want things only for “Me, me, me!”

* Job search status: Pep talk

A week ago today I had a highly successful interview at a dollar store.  There may be one obstacle that, if it’s there, cannot be overcome; but if it’s not there, I’ll have to take a drug test and go for a second interview at which the actual job offer will be made.  In the days since, there have been some communications glitches.  Meanwhile, time goes on.

This morning in my last five minutes at Lenny’s, I prayed about this, reflecting on (1) my disappointment to have had no word so far and (2) the path by which I got here.

I just completed a two-month “job readiness” program … not as if I needed any program to make me “ready” for a job, but this one is unique in that while one is taking classes, they have scouts hunting down specific job opportunities that well match each candidate. That is the big factor I see missing for most people in the big picture.

Was the class a waste of time? 

* Practical advantages of being a nice guy

It’s been a long time since I last considered this; maybe because, for some months, there haven’t been that many jerks among us at the shelter.  Whether the “spirit” I breathe out has anything to do with that, I don’t know.[1]  But I was in the shower 07/01/12 and overheard that they’d run out of wash cloths, and that brought this to mind.

Just being a nice guy earns me concrete, practical rewards.

A number of mainstream people help me financially who definitely would not help a jerk.

If we’re in the smoke pit and I need to bum one, I’m far more likely to get one than would a jerk.

Last summer, there was a shortage of wash cloths, for reason that people were stealing them.  At first, if you weren’t one of the first 40 to shower, you wouldn’t get one.  Then it became 30.  Then 20.  Several guys, it turns out, actually donated  wash clothes.  I donated 15.  They all disappeared.[2]

Some guys come to the clothes window and every day, it’s:

The Bibles guy

As soon as I entered the shelter 06/27/12, my mood fell.  The Bibles guy was here, whom I really dislike.

The Bibles guy comes from 3:00 to 5:00 p.m. the fourth Wednesday of every month, and sets up shop in the day room, where we’re otherwise supposed to sit and watch (or not watch) TV while waiting for the shower.  He hands out new King James Version Bibles to anyone who wants one, and also hands out reading glasses.  It seems preposterous to me that anyone would use the King James Version in our time.  I resent the fact that this is all anyone ever makes available to us, and I wish my congregation had the wherewithal to similarly hand out copies of a modern translation.

He lectures the guys who are waiting in his line, on these doctrines that strike me as nonsense because they presume Biblical inerrancy.  I am amazed what a difference that presumption makes in some situations.  He also gets in debates with men who aren’t in his line but have the nerve to question his folly.

I was angry.  What to do?  I began praying for him, and my anger went away.

Ornery

I felt pretty chipper all day Tuesday 06/26/12, until I came into the shelter and put my things down on my bunk.  My mood changed abruptly.  All of a sudden I became ornery.  I felt out of sorts, prone to become irritated and to look for things to get upset about.

On the one hand, I wondered if some spirit of negativity had infested the place, and I’d picked up on it.  This has happened before.  See the subsequent post about starlings (link).  But I could not see or hear anyone who might be creating it.

On the other hand, it’s up to me to choose my own mood and outlook, regardless of circumstances.  And right now, it’s my job to be bright.  That’s my work.  That’s what God’s paying me to do.

(Turns out the one guy who works in the laundry toom was carrying a particularly nastty attitude that day.  Could I have picked up on that from 40 feet away?  It’s possible.  He never wears his name badge, which is a violation of the rules, so it took me several days to learn his name.  But I did, and put him on my prayer list.)